when you feel all dejected

and your dreams turn sour

when disappointment is all you get

at the turn of every hour.

when the happiest memories bring tears

when 'joy' seems to be unheard of..

when every smile seems to jeer at you

and every word hurts..

when every mouthful tastes like cardboard

without someone to share it with..

when you try so hard to get something

and then just watch it go...

when you feel like a total lout

and nobody says that you are not..

when you want to keep what is new,

yet desperately miss the days of old...

when you are all blue

and sobs just rack your frame

i'll give you a hug

'cause i feel that way too.........

i know the writing just sucks....

was thinking aloud....

sorry for the eyesore.....

bring out the champagne folks.!.!.!

SMUN 2008.
was fun
note the past tense.
i miss smun.
waah!

rewind...

on the 24th of July, ninni decides its finally time for her to print all her data out. she begins to do so. 3 pages done. power cut. the hapless gal has no inverter or UPS. therefore printing cancelled.
the lil nitwit curses and promptly falls asleep at the comp table.
wakes up at 2 am on the 25th of July.
curses some more.
*$&*@&*!
the computer has booted. she is happy. happiness is short lived. ALL the files that she had so painstakingly put together for SMUN 2008 are deleted from hard disk.
CURSES LOUDLY.
cries a little more than a little bit. everything seems to be going wrong. hapless girl will not mention the rest of everything.
:(
till she goes in for a bath that morning she spends her time trying to find her data again. she goes for the first day of SMUN unfortunately ill prepared.
reaches there early as usual.
looks around. sees no known faces. therefore sets about making unknown faces known.
takes a couple of pictures for people..
looks at the way everyone is dressed. feels under prepared, horribly dressed and fat :(
not to mention sad.
and sleepy.
the inauguration begins.
spirit lifts...girl is with people she knows.
inauguration ends. Chief guest speech was good. not the usual boring ones.
girl notes that Sukrita Chatterji has a nice voice, especially while in prayer. comforting voice :)
sophia has a lovely auditorium :)
moves to language room.
no power. the dim lighting suits the girl just fine.
realises that germany, ally and friend is seated beside her.
spirit soars( for a little while)
session begins.
china seems well prepared. is well prepared actually.
girl takes some time to realise what is happening. nearly forgets to put her name on General Speakers List.
China seems excessively well prepared. Girl seeths at the thought that she too was just as informed, but had no printed proof. therefore keeps shut.
speaks once. a tentative step towards enjoyment.
speaks twice.
chief guest walks in. girl is struck dumb.
chief guest walks out.
girl starts talking again.
power comes back on.
girl realises that the pen given to her was BRIGHT green, and was rightly named BRIGHT!!
girl talks a lot after that.
realises that Chair is cutely dressed. and also realises that chair is refusing to recognise her, so that others could talk.
first milestone reached.
she SPOKE! a little excessively, so says chair during tea break.
w00t!
rest of the day passed in a great deal of enjoyment, and chair continued to ignore the Delegate Of France.
delegate unhappy.
sends the bench a message reminding them of her existance.
delegate is recognised.
delegate blabbers about things about which she has no proof what so ever.
stammers ever so slightly. yet delegate of iran( target :D ) seems to be blustering.
good. yet delegate of iran comes back with a vengeance.
DELEGATE OF CHINA. go bury your head in a cauldron full of boiling water.!
delegate of iran comes back with the same sort of vengeance a little too many times. arguments are sounding vague and boring.
delegate goes up on dias to speak.
nearly falls asleep due to boredom caused by her own address. yields to comments, though she meant to yield to questions.
delegate of switzerland questions her. rephrases to a statement.
delegate of france had NO clue what so ever about what was just said.
yet submits a written statement to the chair, picking up points from Switzerland's own statement. Chair seems convinced.
In all the talking and story telling, girl forgets to start moderated caucus on the topics she had handpicked.
is of the opinion that the next day would NOT just be substantive session.
stoopid, loony toon of a girl.
next day she gets a rude shock when secretary general states that tabled debate would NOT be resumed.
resigns herself to her fate.
talks some more.
switzerland is picked on, by everybody. Sukrita looks as though she would like to give the poor guy a nice lil hug :) awwwww <3
then disaster strikes.
press picks on her poor( NOT) nation.
delegate has NO idea what so ever about the topic of discussion.
her eyes are burning with sleep. delegate has not touched bed since 23rd of july.
delegate blabbers BULLCRAP till the spokesperson of press decides that the ill prepared delegate will neither admit defeat nor make any sense. therefore she orders the delegate to be seated.
the delegate of switzerland and israel seem very amused at the delegate's lame excuses.
disaster number 2 strikes.
the crisis situation HAD to be on the franco-swiss-german border. germany was absent due to momma's worry about bomb blasts.
chair flashes an evil grin at delegate of France and states with obvious pleasure that france being germany's closest ally would have to speak for and take blame for germany.
the world body erupts in wierd talk.
france/germany makes a bunch of statements that evoke laughter and a couple of points well made... :)
czech republic (that arse) is suspended due to his wishful thinking and violent mind.
resolution is drafted.
delegate of france again realises the problems of wearing heels and being fat.
heels are tantamount to stamping on others and causing pain, and vice versa.
being fat => one feels VERY squished.
resolution is passed with over whelming majority :)
substantive debate continues.
delegate is sleeping.
snoring
not really
is grilling iran again.
iran is making the same lame excuses.
chair shifts attention to Switzerland. wonder WHY!!! :)
break
the chair is ragged by delegates about the evident emotional link up between the delegate of switzerland and her.
the delegate of france notes with pleasure that the chair smiles and blushes. then makes a show of being impartial. no one is fooled.
the substantive session resumes.
resolution UNESCO01/01 passes.
delegates applaud for themselves.
it all ends.
it didn't personally go as well as the Delegate of France had wished it to go, yet the delegate had an amazing time. SMUN took her mind off pressing matters that were causing her a heartache.
now they have returned.
and SMUN is over
the trophy and the BRIGHT!!! green pen remain....
and a brain full of memories.

note: the delegate intends to include an entire post on the motions to entertain soon.
:)


:(

The case of the missing pencil case

yeah you did read that right.
the case of the missing pencil case...all my life i have taken my "box" for granted. it was always full of nice pens and a whole jamboree of other things that stationery freaks are crazy about.. i really didn't think it could wreak any havoc in my life....ah! i am proven wrong again.
Its been flicked. cold heartedly. and my mom thinks it my fault. The results of having lost a pencil case are :
1. you miss it :(
2. people think you are plain wierd coz you go on whining about it :(
3. if you have a mom like mine, the loss somehow becomes your fault. you were supposed to have known that this was to have happened and you should have removed everything from it. wonder why take it at all then....
4. your mom grounds you, refuses to let you go get a new set of pens and pencils and the like...and you really don't know what to do..since the pens you have at home are not ones that you like using.
5. you realise that the pen you need to complete your practs( and they won't let you use anything else) was in it when it was flicked. it follows in logical succession that you are blasted in school and no one believes that your mom refused to let you buy a new pen.
6. and you are desperately miserable. and you have no outlet for your freaky grief but a blog which no one reads.
a lovely warm fuzzy feeling is flooding me. yeah right!
damn it, can't anyone realise that you did not hold it out n say "here! flick it!!" that you really are not jobless enough to make up lame excuses like mine for physics practs and that you totally HATE the freak of nature who flicked it.

damn it all, i shall never lend anything to anybody again in my life.
Amen.

PS:

am appy happy! i got it back :) lol, nasty naughty dirty stinky cute lil boys gave it back!!

for the past month and half i have been promising myself that i would blog, and remove the layers of dust that must have gathered over my lil bloggy....

it just goes to show, i never do things on time :p

anyway, i'm here now! and thats all there is to it :)

if i had to describe an aircraft turbulence, its very similar to the sort of stuff thats been going on in my life for the past month and half.

actually, most of you would think i am exaggerating, but for a person who abhors change, it was bad.

first things first. i got 94.4% in the boards...am announcing it a lil on the late side, but they say its better late than never :)

NPS Indiranagar seems to have accepted me, in entirety. which is shocking.

that, however, doesnt mean i don't miss SGS....barely a day passes that i dont feel like running back there, yet i don't...wonder why?

talking rubbish is a habit with me, and so is procrastinating.
i have been doing both in LARGE quantities for the past month and a half.
and honestly, it feels better to have a mission, an aim to work towards. it gets REALLY boring when you have nothing to look forward to the whole day long. the plus point? a book a day, endless hours of watching movies and a chance to get back to all that used to constitute 'normal life' before the boards came up.
and now that i have got used to lazing around for most of the day and then running off for tennis to remove the ill effects of a lethargic lifestyle, i realise that school is about to begin.
and to heighten the torture, those darned Board Results are going to be announced tomorrow. the end result is a bunch of highly frayed nerves. how much ever i try, i am unable to feel comfortable in my new uniform, it looks way too alien...and i am also eaten up by the fact that i really have NO idea how much i shall get in 10th grade, which is scary since everyone says i will do well. what happens if i just make a big fat fool of myself and get below 90%. YELP!!!!

gah! ok i have not blogged for soo long that i have forgotten the art of continuous ranting.
will get back tomorrow with those marks if i havent jumped off Utility Building already. n if i have, then you will get to know anyway....
:p

freedom...atlast

yeah..
i FINALLY got through NPS Indiranagar.
YAY!!!!
people are congratulating me saying -"welcome to the Chamber of Hell".
HELL!!
i don't care
i got through a pretty good school
besides, i don't need to bother bout board results now
:)
hahaHAAAAAAA
what a relief
:D
*dances a jig*

now i have the whole holidays in front of me with not a care in the world!!
:)
lahdidahdidah!!

i *love* the world

:)

To be an adolescent today...

HOW I wish we could remain innocent little kids all our lives long, or perhaps grow straight from childhood into mature adults…Nature is evil. In certain cases at least.
It’s a horrible age to go through, and go through we must!
It’s almost a crime to grow up in today’s world. One NEVER knows what the right thing to do is. If you try to please your parents, then your peers are inevitably put off, if you try to get along with your friends then the parents pull the long face on you, and if you commit the terrible sin of living life the way YOU want to, you are definitely an Outcast for life.
Where is one to go in times of need? If you go to your friends for advice and consolation then your parents feel you are growing distant, but if you go to your parents for help they will very contemptuously listen to your sob story and then say “We too went through the same phase. I don’t recall having any such problems. The problem with this generation of yours is that you people are materialistic, selfish and utterly immature.” Yeah THANKS! That was just the pick me up that I needed so desperately.
Then comes the matter of our parents having ‘gone through the same age’. If they really did, then why on the face of good earth don’t they remember what it was like? If they DO remember( and so they claim) then why are they acting so mature and grown up all the time, and making us feel miserable?
There is this whole new saga of “responsible parenting”. They try their very best not to pressurise you in academics, they try to understand your manner of functioning, they “understand your psychology”. Yet if you get anything less than 80% back home the reaction is “ ONLY 75%??? * throws you that dirty, reproachful look* But last time you got 85%. It just goes to show you aren’t working. If you go on at this rate you will never get admission into ANY good college or school. You had better start studying unless you want to be a failure in life”. If you ask them for a cell phone they say “I never had one when I was your age!! YEAH! There were NO cell phones when they were my age. Their fathers didn’t own two cars and flats and what not when they were in their forties!! Infact they STILL do not! If you like gadgets and shopping then you are termed materialistic. Especially if your choice in goods is not the same as the parent in question. It is no matter that they too used to beg for money to go shopping when they were kids. And if this fact is mentioned to them, they say that they asked for only tiny bits of money not like us demanding cash in hundreds and thousands…WELL?? They finished their education in some 200 bucks, and HECK they earn more than 200 bucks a DAY now… are we expected to take an ‘anna’ from them to go shopping at a mall? Perhaps somebody would fall in love with the antique piece and trade it for a couple of hundred rupees?
Then comes the “learn from my own childhood” lecture. Going by what they seem to say and think of their maturing years, they were either angels straight from heaven or they are pretty good at writing fiction. They try to understand the language we use, but everytime one says ‘Dude’ they flinch!
Why can’t ANYBODY realise that we DO NOT enjoy being rebellious, neither are we trying to get them riled. It’s just that time when we question EVRYTHING and we will not do anything without some sensible( according to us) reason. And we are NOT duffers nor devils. We weren’t born just to create havoc, neither do we want to purposefully antagonize people. We are expected to do all the adjusting, WE being the youngsters and the inexperienced brats have to do as our parents say, WE have to manage to live with our friends and peers, WE have to shine academically as well as do brilliantly in everything we try. Sometimes I wonder why not dispose of kids and hire well programmed robots instead? They would be much less trouble. In public its us who are embarrassments to our parents if we behave weirdly, but their behaviour in front of our friends does not change?
Its all about which perspective one looks at it. For an adult reading this thing, I have just about written a whole bunch of balderdash, but for me it is TRUE in its entirety. Life is not all that bad, adolescence is not only about disagreements, but yes- it seems to have found its place in my daily life. A lecture a day is usual, two- not abnormal….one had just got to live with it I suppose.
I just wish people would figure out that beauty is in the eye of the viewer (ok I MIGHT have distorted that saying a bit..)…in my peer groups I am perfectly normal, but for my parents I am a rebellious young wart.
Funny, but I guess they would have been rebellious young warts to their parents while they were growing up.

On that note I conclude this rant. What can I do about it anyway???

please note, the opinions expressed here are entirely my own, and you are free to agree or disagree!!