"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse . . . "

Yeah, that is how it goes.

My life, right now, consists of attempts to do things, and their repercussions.
I am yet to come across a repercussion that is non-negative.

Every SINGLE time I try to do something that might make someone smile, I end up getting them antagonised, every time I try making something new, I fail miserably and every time i come up with what I think is a pretty good idea, those who matter obviously think that it's not. And in the rare case that I do manage to please someone I inevitably get some other person annoyed.

One would think I'd have learnt by now that i ought to just shut up and let things go the way they would if i didn't poke my nose in. But i can't. Darn it all, i can't.

I still do care about what people say to me. I still find my eyes stinging when someone busts me for something that really was meant to be good.

I have no clue why i am pouring out my grievances in this random fashion, but I find myself less inclined to say it to anyone right now. especially since they might just get annoyed with that too.

For most part of the beginning of the year, i hoped and prayed that I'd get a badge. When i did get it, i got the one a very good friend of mine wanted and deserved. And then i proceeded to lose miserably in every single literary event that came by. We all know that she ought to have got my post, but hell there is nothing we can do with it. Where do i fit in? As someone who can neither be sad about the recognition, nor happy. All i feel about the topic is guilt.

So what i am doing right now in the words of a great many people is "Wasting Time". Neither am i awesome at any extra curricular thing, nor am I very good at academics. As usual i am stuck uncomfortably in the middle while people do better than me in everything.

UGH!

I know i sound rather whiny and boring, but hell these days i find even myself getting annoyed with 'me'. . .

If you did manage to read this post, you are truly a capable and patient being.

PS: i'll get through it with no lessons learnt, just you wait!

:(
:P